Archive

Steps

IMG_8729.JPG

The best way to be happy is to be grateful. It’s a festive week around here and people are happily preparing themselves for a massive feast, happy times(or anxious/dreadful) times with their families with sweets and drinks flowing… Whatever the case, we are thankful. The best thing to do is really sit and think about how lucky you are. What can you appreciate right now? Make a list.

I am thankful for the most supportive family in the world.
I am thankful for the ability to have fresh, nutritious food at my fingertips.
I am thankful to live in a place surrounded by beautiful mountain ranges.
I am thankful for a healthy, strong body.
I am thankful for yoga and it’s ability to cure anything that I may face in life.
I am thankful for amazing running shoes and hundreds of trails.
I am thankful for being highly adaptable. Whatever I face, good or bad, always becomes manageable and I usually can see the positive side of every situation.
I am thankful for my faithful car that has really shown me my freedom on a geographic scale.
I am thankful to have women in my life that empower me to be my best self and are always by my side.
I am thankful for my sobriety.
I am thankful for change…and that through everything, I am who I am and have had so many experiences that have shaped me and my surroundings to what it is today.

Remember to be grateful. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I can’t wait to be free…thank you for all the continuing support that helps me stay positive through the holidays.
38 more days till true freedom but I am still grateful for everything I have today.

IMG_8728.JPG

IMG_8388.JPG

When I am surrounded by negativity, I remember how important it is to be a positive shining light through it all.

I am constantly listening to stories from young girls in and out of unfortunate situations who know nothing else other than hustling and stealing and drug use and even prostitution. It’s sad. I ask them if they ever want to change and they tell me that they don’t know how to change. They have had this way of life for so long. They are surrounded by people just like them, their family is all the same and their demographic is just like this. They would physically need to move away and start from scratch. But what happens when you move away? How do you start over when you know no other way? You may just have the same bad habits in a new location where you don’t know anyone. The same scheme repeats itself again and again….

I can’t believe that at one point, this was my life…not the full extent: I never stole or was a prostitute or anything like that but I was a slave to a self-destructive life style in one way or another. At one point I did not see any reason to change because I was walking this life with my eyes closed.

These girls ask me why I don’t have a husband or babies….and I ask them why they have numerous baby-daddies or why they teach their kids to steal? They ask me why I am so good and don’t do drugs or drink? I ask them why can’t they live their life without it? They ask me why I pay for things when it’s easier to steal? I ask them why they preach their bibles to me when they can’t even follow commandment #8.

We have many conversations and I wish I could show them what it’s like to walk through the mountains, to wake up to a sunrise right outside of your tent. To see the clouds move beneath your feet as you stand over blanket of fog. I wish I could tell them that the more you embrace the things you love, the more you don’t need the drugs, the alcohol, or that abusive relationship. I’ve been asking these girls to make a list of places they want to go, things they love to do, hobbies that bring them life. Surprisingly, they have quite the long list. I try to tell them that it is possible to have a life outside of the unhealthy cage that they have created. I try to tell them that if they spend each day, each week, each month doing at least one of those things on that list, their life will change dramatically.

The more you do what you love, the more you begin to love your life. It’s not about making a lot of money or finding that perfect mate, or having that perfect body…it’s about finding pure joy in doing whatever you do.

Someday I would like to create some sort of support group that brings troubled souls together for outdoor hikes. So many of these girls have never stepped foot on a mountain and I feel that everyone needs this in their life someday…and hopefully it’ll spring new possibility. This life is too beautiful to play small.

IMG_8261.JPG

I don’t know where and when I stopped holding on to people. I sweep things under the rug. I pretend I’m so happy on my own. I smile so big but find myself running in circles to keep my lonely heart busy with activities to do. Yoga, hiking, running, repeat. When you’re constantly running in circles you barely have time to feel lonely. It’s amazing filling my day doing everything that makes me happy. Right now I can’t do those things. As I have said, I am in a transition.
Lone wolf.
Solitude.
Embrace independence.
You can do everything on your own.

I’m talking about it now. I’m telling you what happens when you aren’t able to do everything that you love 7 days a week. You get to wake up, but you have all these thoughts running through your head. Constantly.

You feel.
Feel.
Feel.
Feel.
Nothing to run from, nothing to distract the underlaying feelings of loneliness, regret, and unsaid feelings. It’s all fucking right there, staring at you in the face like you’re naked for the world to see.

Every single day I realize how important it is to eat fruits and vegetables because when you don’t eat properly, it alters your mood and makes you an unhealthy crazy mean person.
I realize how much I hate feeling or having an outlet to channel the very things that get released when I’m doing what I love.
I realize how much I miss being in love with someone and having the same in return. I don’t remember the last time I’ve ever really truly been in love. Sometimes I feel incapable of normal emotions. Sometimes I’m scared that I am not able to make a family because all this time has gone by and I’m still single, never been pregnant and don’t understand the concept of love.

These are the raw things going through my head the last few days. I miss the mountains. I miss how much they lift my heart and make me smile. Today I have to learn to embrace these raw feelings so that I can understand them and move forward.

IMG_7332.JPG

Lace up your shoes and step outside. The Pacific Northwest air is crisp and cool…much different than the Indian summer we’ve been having. Life is bustling and the cars and people create a life of energy along these city streets yet my mind feels quiet. Like stepping into a slow motion dream my mind feels serene….

Everyone who’s runs is a runner yet we may have different reasons why we do it. We run to clear our mind, we run to lose weight, and we run because sometimes it’s all we have left.

The ability to use our two legs, step one in front of the other and spend every day celebrating our freedom. I have been one to try and lose weight by doing it but now it’s much different. It’s not about how fast I go or how long I run…it’s the feeling of pure freedom. The ability to do something that we take for granted.

In the wild, animals run for their lives…they run to kill their future meal, they run to escape the animal trying to eat them. They run because they can. They run because it’s rooted in their chemistry to run.

We have become lazy. We drive instead of walk for most situations, and we take our legs for granted. We no longer need to run away from predators but we runners understand something all the same….we have life. Life has become a series of predators….from money problems to bad relationships to legal battles to a failed life….it makes our heart race.

Anything you may be facing whether it be the demons in your head or the problems you may face, running helps lessen the pain.

Run till you can’t feel.
Run till you realize that there is no pain in running but simply release.

That is where I stand. Rain or shine, whatever life throws at me I can lessen with the trail or pavement beneath my feet.
Get out there…celebrate freedom.

IMG_7943.JPG

It’s October now. The seasons are changing, the leaves go from green to red to orange to yellow and within this short season, everything dies and regenerates and prepares for new life. This circle of life starts to transition this month into new form. It’s a beautiful feeling. It’s much like human life if we let it. We circulate new experiences, friendships, troubles and joys and things shift.

Just that. They shift. What you do to handle this shift is up to you. The trees never cry when their leaves change and eventually die. This is part of the tree’s process. The decaying leaves become life for new growth and eventually that tree has new leaves and new life. No big fuss over the past.

IMG_8017.JPG

My life is like this today. I embrace the change…not always with open arms, not always with a big smile on my face, but a smile in my heart.
When I stopped trying to control the evolution of life and the feelings and experiences that come with it, I can truly flourish in God’s process. I can only do what the day delivers me. I can choose to be happy or sad but in the end, whatever is supposed to happen, will.

Remember today that this month is a good opportunity to flourish. See what’s happening around you and within you and be conscious of how you feel. Change happens and it always will evolve and change form, but remember that you are a small piece of life, nothing really hurts that much, and nothing lasts forever. Enjoy today, October is here.

IMG_7813.JPG

IMG_6175.JPG
It’s a difficult task to sit down and write about all the beautiful places I have been within a short period of time. I feel that I often hike, come home, upload some pictures over Instagram or Facebook and pass out…wake up, go on another adventure and repeat. Then I work all day, yoga after, maybe a run and then pass out.

But here I am, laying on the ground writing while I pray my car’s mechanical problems are an easy fix in the morning. Who knew you could drive for months with a disconnected right control arm! I’m just grateful nothing bad happened to me while driving.

“We’ve got a motto here-you’re tougher than you think you are, and you can do more than you think you can.”—Christopher McDougall

I have to remember to stay humble and let go of my need to control absolutely everything. I forget sometimes….I forget that not everything is so difficult. Things always workout just as they should. I don’t need to worry about anything because it distracts from true progress with the remote possibility of accomplishing anything with ease.

On a lighter note, here is the beautiful Blanca Lake! Not my first time here but just as beautiful as the last time I’ve seen her! Blanca lake is an 8-mile round trip hike in the cascades. This milky-green color stays this way all year round. I find it even more beautiful with a cloudy sky because the water just glows. Anyway it was a crowded day out there but so worth it. I recommend it to anyone visiting Washington. It’s sure a site to see!

Hiking makes me so happy. Keeps me grateful. That is all, thought I would share a little but I didn’t have much to say 😊

IMG_6222.JPG

IMG_6178.JPG

IMG_6302.JPG

10598464_1538910866330223_604639533_n

A year ago I would have never in my life been able to enjoy something on my own. I would have had to call people and do things with them and cater to what the group wanted. Today I extend my invitation to where I plan to go and if no one is free, I still trudge forward.
Independence and Self-Worth are my biggest gifts theses days. It’s liberating to wake up every single morning fearless of what the world cares about my small existence. All I know these days is that I get up, and do exactly what I want to do every single day.

Yesterday I woke up early and went to a meeting then figured that Sauk Mountain has been on my list and have heard about it being short and relatively easy. I was drawn to it on the forums because the path is literally on the side of the mountain the entire time and when hiking alone, I like to be in open space. I’m so happy I did it. I have a little 2006 Honda Civic which has really gone through the ringer with all my trails this summer. The road to the trailhead felt like it took forever for how slow that I had to drive. There were a few areas with potholes and at the very end of the road, it felt like the rocks got sharper.

I finally arrived and realized I forgot my bug spray. I opened the door and instantly got dive-bombed by a bee! I jumped back in the car and closed my door.
“Why did I forget my damn bug spray!? Why did I accidentally put perfume on this morning???”

I tried again….
Once again crickets, butterflies, grasshoppers and flies all jumping and flying at me(this is not an exaggeration). I ran to my trunk to get my runners on and more bees chased me.

Back in the car. Close door. Feel like an idiot and grateful it’s just me and one other car in the lot.
“What’s wrong with me? Why do I hike alone without bug spray? Why did I drive an hour and a half for this? I fucking drove an hour and a half for this I need to quit being a baby and get the hell outside”
I roll my socks on and lace up my shoes. I attach my GoPro to my trekking pole, pray to sweet baby Jesus and get outside. I can do this. I walk over to the sign/map area.

A lovely sign read this:

[Bear Hunting Season. Please wear bright colors, Bears are attracted to scented objects and food. Please use a bear bag]

Instantly being alone and fearful, I walk back to the car, take out my sandwich and carrots and put it in my trunk and get on the trail….”just in case” hahahaha. I don’t need food, I can’t just drink water.

This is what happened to me. Momemnt by moment. I hike a lot and this is not the first time I’ve ever been alone. I had an hour and a half to drive alone to this and when I first made the turn on to Sauk Mountain Road there was a big sign about a woman named Patti who has been missing since 2010 and last seen on this trail. I know this is just one person but my mind raced and got the best of me to what could have happened to this Patti woman. By the time I got to the top of the trail with all my thoughts racing because I’m crazy, I instantly didn’t see it as a hike, but as a death sentence. You’re welcome for my unfiltered drama.

The second I was on the trail, everything diminished. I am meant to be here. I am a small part of the beauty of life and I am safe. The higher I trekked up the mountain, all my fears had left me. It was beautiful. There were chipmunks everywhere and a gorgeous view below me in all directions. It was pretty leveled and it didn’t take me very long to get to the top. I ran half the way and was just in awe of the beauty of this state. When I finally reached Sauk Lake overlook, I was taken back. How can this be so beautiful? How am I so lucky to experience so many places and I haven’t even left the state?

Too often we think things are greener on the other side. We sit on Pinterest and wish we could be in Ireland or Tahiti or wherever your ideal place is and we forget that within a couple hours, we can be greatly surprised by what’s right in front of us. I encourage you to open your eyes and open your heart to the people right beside you. The ones IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW. I encourage you to see only the good in them and to love them just as they are. I encourage you to get outside and be in nature. I encourage you to stop judging those around you along with seeing the flaws in your life and where you live. Being in nature is cheap happiness so stop with all your excuses right now. Look around you and see how perfect everything is. Look within yourself to see only beauty and stop overanalyzing everything and everyone. I almost turned around and drove home yesterday because there were too many BUGS! seriously??? I’m glad I snapped out of that because when you get over the little things in life, it allows room to truly experience the BIG things in life…like being on top of a mountain and overlooking God’s beauty. I encourage you to be free.

12520_10202381938301311_6405607184712435693_n 1555333_10202381348686571_31314250142957414_n 10574407_10202381938461315_5832527691388471049_n
10600501_10202381351046630_1918293620774928261_n 10616494_10202381938621319_3901341519751237287_n 10153648_10202381938741322_3755888262586908730_n

10583964_10202381350086606_8131160713514724475_n

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,990 other followers

%d bloggers like this: