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What goes up must come down, what gets caged will at some point be set free…or break out trying…and wow does it feel good to be free today. After four holidays away from my family, the day I got out I was overwhelmed with happiness and a lightness I haven’t felt in years. To go into a situation full of fear and to come out feeling relentlessly fearless. It’s empowering.

The word resolution is often thrown around this month, gyms are banking on your lofty weight-loss goals and everyone has this little list of how to make themselves better for the next 365 days with constant contemplation. A resolution. A goal. A habit to kick this year. Whatever happened last year is tucked safely away into a little forgotten box to make room for the new year. So cheers to the new year! What I like about New Years is the ability to look at went wrong and what went right in 2014 and create a sort of “winter cleaning” about everything.

I went back to yoga last night, it’s a 75 minute hot power Baptiste style yoga class, what I’m used to doing 4-5 times a week with the exception of the last 3 months. I tucked myself in the back corner thinking that I would need to refresh my memory and muscles of what used to be the staple of my daily life but boy was I underestimating myself. I felt absolutely amazing. What I felt in class last night was the parallel to taking a wet rag filled with water and twisting it so much so that it rings dry. That feeling of twisting your old self out with all the past and negativity to the point of being left with just clean, refreshed fabric. No longer am I in this small space surrounded by all the women in jail who constantly watched me and asked what I was doing. The ability to feel so close to all the friends and strangers along side myself breathing and moving and twisting and being renewed.

I ran this morning after having that class last night and it was like poetry for my legs. During that time away I still continued to run as much as I could but I wasnt exactly stretching or building muscle the way I do when I’m in yoga. I feel so free these days since I have been out and everything feels like it’s falling together again. My family has been beside me, I had a lovely welcome home from my friends, and yoga just topped it all off.

So I’m here. Free. At sort of a symbollic summit of this portion of my life. From here forward I have nothing to be afraid of and no longer have a valid excuse for holding back in my own life.

My resolutions this year are simple:

1. Be relentlessly fearless to my future.
2. Be a YES to all opportunity
3. Explore More. whatever that may be. Explore the mountains, explore deeper relationships, explore yoga and teach…and read and write more. More journalling is a must. Since being in jail I realize that a lot of my creative energy comes out when I am writing and reflecting.

2015 is like standing on the top of a mountain breathing in that crisp, fresh air looking over all those other peaks to see how far you have traveled to get to this exact spot. That large feeeling of accomplishment. Life is like a series of peaks…some journeys are long, some are short, some have rocky terrain and on some treks, you spend a long time steadily trudging through the dark woods with no change of scenery for a long, long time before you have that “Ah-ha!” point at the top that makes it all worth it. You learn to be happy just having the opportunity to even be on a journey. Whatever your circumstances, if you keep moving forward you will reach your destination and turning around, stopping to complain, or wish you were somewhere else never helps you accomlish anything. We go through the good and the bad to get to these summits of life. Remember that once we get to one summit, life does not end. This is just one summit, and as we look over this cliff to all these other mountains, we remember that there is so much more to explore. Life is like a series of mountains to explore, summit, and sometimes we fall, and whether its a joyful or difficult experience, we must remember that on this journey we are always learning.

So I am free of my past (legally) as of this week and I am empowered with the feeling of freedom….so now there is just one question, What is possible? What is possible when you have absoute emotional and physical freedom? Well the answer is: EVERYTHING.

What can I let go of in 2014? Well for me personally, it is anxiety and fear. All the fear is now over and any re-occuring fear is just a bad habbit I need to kick. As long as I stay on the path and keep moving forward, all my previous problems are but lessons in life to write about and share with others to help them realize that our own personal journey is an adventure of highs and lows and sharing them with others helps them realize their own potential as well.

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When I am surrounded by negativity, I remember how important it is to be a positive shining light through it all.

I am constantly listening to stories from young girls in and out of unfortunate situations who know nothing else other than hustling and stealing and drug use and even prostitution. It’s sad. I ask them if they ever want to change and they tell me that they don’t know how to change. They have had this way of life for so long. They are surrounded by people just like them, their family is all the same and their demographic is just like this. They would physically need to move away and start from scratch. But what happens when you move away? How do you start over when you know no other way? You may just have the same bad habits in a new location where you don’t know anyone. The same scheme repeats itself again and again….

I can’t believe that at one point, this was my life…not the full extent: I never stole or was a prostitute or anything like that but I was a slave to a self-destructive life style in one way or another. At one point I did not see any reason to change because I was walking this life with my eyes closed.

These girls ask me why I don’t have a husband or babies….and I ask them why they have numerous baby-daddies or why they teach their kids to steal? They ask me why I am so good and don’t do drugs or drink? I ask them why can’t they live their life without it? They ask me why I pay for things when it’s easier to steal? I ask them why they preach their bibles to me when they can’t even follow commandment #8.

We have many conversations and I wish I could show them what it’s like to walk through the mountains, to wake up to a sunrise right outside of your tent. To see the clouds move beneath your feet as you stand over blanket of fog. I wish I could tell them that the more you embrace the things you love, the more you don’t need the drugs, the alcohol, or that abusive relationship. I’ve been asking these girls to make a list of places they want to go, things they love to do, hobbies that bring them life. Surprisingly, they have quite the long list. I try to tell them that it is possible to have a life outside of the unhealthy cage that they have created. I try to tell them that if they spend each day, each week, each month doing at least one of those things on that list, their life will change dramatically.

The more you do what you love, the more you begin to love your life. It’s not about making a lot of money or finding that perfect mate, or having that perfect body…it’s about finding pure joy in doing whatever you do.

Someday I would like to create some sort of support group that brings troubled souls together for outdoor hikes. So many of these girls have never stepped foot on a mountain and I feel that everyone needs this in their life someday…and hopefully it’ll spring new possibility. This life is too beautiful to play small.

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It’s October now. The seasons are changing, the leaves go from green to red to orange to yellow and within this short season, everything dies and regenerates and prepares for new life. This circle of life starts to transition this month into new form. It’s a beautiful feeling. It’s much like human life if we let it. We circulate new experiences, friendships, troubles and joys and things shift.

Just that. They shift. What you do to handle this shift is up to you. The trees never cry when their leaves change and eventually die. This is part of the tree’s process. The decaying leaves become life for new growth and eventually that tree has new leaves and new life. No big fuss over the past.

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My life is like this today. I embrace the change…not always with open arms, not always with a big smile on my face, but a smile in my heart.
When I stopped trying to control the evolution of life and the feelings and experiences that come with it, I can truly flourish in God’s process. I can only do what the day delivers me. I can choose to be happy or sad but in the end, whatever is supposed to happen, will.

Remember today that this month is a good opportunity to flourish. See what’s happening around you and within you and be conscious of how you feel. Change happens and it always will evolve and change form, but remember that you are a small piece of life, nothing really hurts that much, and nothing lasts forever. Enjoy today, October is here.

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trees

“Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars… and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful. Everything is simply happy. Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance. Look at the flowers — for no reason. It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are” ~Osho

Nature is Love. It’s simple happiness. The Osho quote perfectly describes life around us. Everything has happiness just as it is. Nothing to strive for, nothing to be worried about, nothing to be heartbroken over. Life happens all around us with pure joy no matter the circumstances.
Today I worked then spent the day running the trails in Seattle. It’s amazing how alive the city gets this season. Every restaurant is flourishing, the markets are flooded with people and the trails and parks are filled with people enjoying the sun and soaking in that vitamin we all barely get through the other 8 months of the year. I have noticed when I hike, when I am out on the trails….I am happiest. I could be with friends or I could be alone and I feel the exact same feeling. bliss.
We were meant to roam and explore. We were meant to be happy. Whatever is going on this very moment, whatever pain you may feel….remember that although it may hurt right now, it will pass and life will be beautiful just as it is. Sometimes I go through pain(especially this past year) and I realize the more I don’t give it power to ruin my day, the less I worry, the better things work out. Things have been working out….and I find peace in nature.

Back to my trail run. I haven’t been running with my Runkeeper app in months. It’s liberating!!! I am not training for any races right now because of my circumstances and I realized that this past year I have slowly let the pace thing get to me. I would beat my best pace and over time I would try to get faster and faster and when I don’t beat it, I feel defeated…like I’m failing. How absolutely dramatic of me…but it’s what has been happening. I switched things up, I stopped using my Runkeeper, stopped tracking my miles, put the electro house music on hold and paused. This summer I have only been running with country music, with books on tape, with sermon’s from my church and I have been relaxing my pace. In this instance, my run’s go longer, with more relaxation and the ability to be joyful. AS WE SHOULD BE. Things will change when I can train for the marathons and such but for now, I live every single day in peace. Serenity from keepin’ up with the Jones’s, serenity from self-criticism and serenity from anything negative.

sunset

After my run I stopped and picked some blackberries. Here in Washington they are all starting to ripen. I got a little carried away and by the time I got to my car I noticed:

1. I have a random Mason Jar in the trunk
2. There are hundreds of blackberry bushes all near my car! Score!

The addict in my little head told me I need to find every blackberry before I go home… So tonight I made a delish little dessert with my berry-winnings!

hghv

dont they look amazing???…..and kind of not completely ripe yet. i got a little excited

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dessert

a sliver of chocolate cake with a scoop of greek yogurt, my blackberries and a scoop of ground chia/flaxseed/cacao :)

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I did it! I did it!
I changed my name….hahaha something I’ve been contemplating all year! It feels so right…it makes me want to update all the time because I feel that my little blogging identity has been rejuvenated to a more authentic feeeeeel, if ya feel me?

SO here I am. No longer tiarefitness.com because if you have been following my blog for the last couple years, well I don’t give a rats ass about trying to appease anyone with specific fitness needs. I may lose a lot of followers but in the big scheme of things, I have found MYSELF.

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feels refreshing.
I’m going to kill you all with my horrible grammar and spelling typos because my shitty Mac lost my normal Word Doc program but I no longer care! I will update you more via mountain adventures and through my little struggles I am soon facing in my near future…

So here I am….tiny trail mermaid. It may be a little ehhhh….but it fits better. I am 5’3 and petite((hence tiny))….I am from Hawaii and grew up there for the first 12 years of my life. ((hence the mermaid part)). I moved here to Washington when I was 12 and lately, as you can see, I have been throwing myself into adventure in the GREAT PNW. I love it here and always have but this year has brought new meaning to my life. I have truly found who I really am and most of this was through being a year sober as of this month, finding true passion in my yoga practice, and finding myself….especially in the mountains. I love to trail run and hike and recently started camping on those long treks.

I’m not going to go into detail about my life because it is still the same life I have been living. The only difference is a name…I didn’t want to be a fitness blog. This is just a blog about my life and the adventures I take, and the little things I do day in and day out to become a better person.
This is a New year. A WHOLE YEAR SOBER.
Change is surely happening and I want to make sure I can write about it without making this just about fitness.

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I saw that quote yesterday and thought about it over and over again…and again…and again….
I pictured my life and the things I capture. I used to capture everything. I used to capture all my friends and I no matter what we were doing. I used to take a million selfies and photos talking about weightloss and muscle gain and meal prep….I’d take photos at the gym, at the workout equipment, and “post-gym” photos where I was sweaty and gross. I took pictures of before an after shots and basically any single workout that I participated in was photographed and sent off into the inter-webs hoping for approval from well….YOU.

What did I fear to lose?
I feared everything. I had major vanity issues and insecurities with myself. I feared losing my fit body…I feared not being admired (even though no one was really thinking about me in the first place). I was borderline struggling with an eating disorder. Not the traditional anorexic/bulimic disorders but more of a body-dysmorphic disorder. I feared losing my party-friends. I feared leaving my horrible boyfriend-turned-ex for a long portion of time. I just feared being ALONE WITH MYSELF.

I meant well, I assure you….but as time has passed I have lost a lot of need for approval. I ask God for guidance every single day to help guide me in the direction of his path…and to help me become a beacon of light for myself and others. Along with this, every singe day at some point I internally tell myself: “It is no business what other people think of me”. I sometimes have to repeat this more than once throughout the day but I believe it helps me grow into a confident, radiant human being. Since my life changed one year ago, all I need to do is be the best, kind person I can be. Every day I have the opportunity to be better, be kinder and go on more adventures.

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I think about the way things are now. The way I forget I have a blog, and forget that I ever cared that much for it in the first place. I have been diving into Instagram as the only thing I truly make use of these days….and why is that? Well I LOVE the photos without necessarily needing a lot of words and I love the beauty that shines through each profile as a little map to the users soul.

So what do I fear to lose today? Have you checked out my Instagram lately? It’s basically a “WHY YOU NEED TO VISIT AND HIKE WASHINGTON” Instagram:) I fear to lose the beauty of the world. I fear to lose my freedom. Some of you know I won’t really be on any form of social media soon and my photos truly show that. They show me bucket-listing my summer away! It’s been hard with my best friend recently moving to Texas but at the same time I think it’s helping me grow a little…okay a lot. It’s helping me be alone and accepting that. With what I photograph, it shows how much I LOVE being out in the fresh air, running the trails, visiting new sites, jumping in different lakes, spending time with my family and best friends and just LIVING. LIVING without caring about the meaningless junk of life. Getting off work/the computer and getting outside. All sober….so crazy I am one year sober this month.

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A few months ago I made a list of things I wanted to do and here are some of the things I have done since summer started:

  • went skydiving
  • hiked trails at Mount Rainier
  • went paragliding off a cliff
  • went on a solo trip to DIablo Lake!!!! (this place I had never been to and have always wanted to go)
  • went for an overnight hike with a friend to Mt. Pilchuck and stayed in a fire tower
  • went on an overnight trip with my brothers and camped over Goat Lake
  • went trail running to Talapus and Olallie Lake
  • swam in Mason Lake at the top of Bandera Mountain and got to see fields of Beargrass!!!(a plant that flowers only every 5-7 years…insane and gorgeous)
  • visited Vance Creek Viaduct and hung my little legs off the bridge(which is the second highest arch bridge ever built in the US)
  • started saving for Bali ($1300 so far!)
  • visited the Chihuly Garden and GLass Museum

I can’t think of any others right now….but trust me I’m living. So grateful.
Life is so short. Create an adventure and take lots of pictures….you never truly know how much time you have. All you have is now.

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I am going to make this short and sweet. Sometimes I have so many events that happen within the week that the thought of blogging about everything sounds exhausting! Anyway I went skydiving last week and it was out of this world AMAZING! Smiling ear to ear and want to do it again! I never …

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