What goes up must come down, what gets caged will at some point be set free…or break out trying…and wow does it feel good to be free today. After four holidays away from my family, the day I got out I was overwhelmed with happiness and a lightness I haven’t felt in years. To go into a situation full of fear and to come out feeling relentlessly fearless. It’s empowering.
The word resolution is often thrown around this month, gyms are banking on your lofty weight-loss goals and everyone has this little list of how to make themselves better for the next 365 days with constant contemplation. A resolution. A goal. A habit to kick this year. Whatever happened last year is tucked safely away into a little forgotten box to make room for the new year. So cheers to the new year! What I like about New Years is the ability to look at went wrong and what went right in 2014 and create a sort of “winter cleaning” about everything.
I went back to yoga last night, it’s a 75 minute hot power Baptiste style yoga class, what I’m used to doing 4-5 times a week with the exception of the last 3 months. I tucked myself in the back corner thinking that I would need to refresh my memory and muscles of what used to be the staple of my daily life but boy was I underestimating myself. I felt absolutely amazing. What I felt in class last night was the parallel to taking a wet rag filled with water and twisting it so much so that it rings dry. That feeling of twisting your old self out with all the past and negativity to the point of being left with just clean, refreshed fabric. No longer am I in this small space surrounded by all the women in jail who constantly watched me and asked what I was doing. The ability to feel so close to all the friends and strangers along side myself breathing and moving and twisting and being renewed.
I ran this morning after having that class last night and it was like poetry for my legs. During that time away I still continued to run as much as I could but I wasnt exactly stretching or building muscle the way I do when I’m in yoga. I feel so free these days since I have been out and everything feels like it’s falling together again. My family has been beside me, I had a lovely welcome home from my friends, and yoga just topped it all off.
So I’m here. Free. At sort of a symbollic summit of this portion of my life. From here forward I have nothing to be afraid of and no longer have a valid excuse for holding back in my own life.
My resolutions this year are simple:
1. Be relentlessly fearless to my future.
2. Be a YES to all opportunity
3. Explore More. whatever that may be. Explore the mountains, explore deeper relationships, explore yoga and teach…and read and write more. More journalling is a must. Since being in jail I realize that a lot of my creative energy comes out when I am writing and reflecting.
2015 is like standing on the top of a mountain breathing in that crisp, fresh air looking over all those other peaks to see how far you have traveled to get to this exact spot. That large feeeling of accomplishment. Life is like a series of peaks…some journeys are long, some are short, some have rocky terrain and on some treks, you spend a long time steadily trudging through the dark woods with no change of scenery for a long, long time before you have that “Ah-ha!” point at the top that makes it all worth it. You learn to be happy just having the opportunity to even be on a journey. Whatever your circumstances, if you keep moving forward you will reach your destination and turning around, stopping to complain, or wish you were somewhere else never helps you accomlish anything. We go through the good and the bad to get to these summits of life. Remember that once we get to one summit, life does not end. This is just one summit, and as we look over this cliff to all these other mountains, we remember that there is so much more to explore. Life is like a series of mountains to explore, summit, and sometimes we fall, and whether its a joyful or difficult experience, we must remember that on this journey we are always learning.
So I am free of my past (legally) as of this week and I am empowered with the feeling of freedom….so now there is just one question, What is possible? What is possible when you have absoute emotional and physical freedom? Well the answer is: EVERYTHING.
What can I let go of in 2014? Well for me personally, it is anxiety and fear. All the fear is now over and any re-occuring fear is just a bad habbit I need to kick. As long as I stay on the path and keep moving forward, all my previous problems are but lessons in life to write about and share with others to help them realize that our own personal journey is an adventure of highs and lows and sharing them with others helps them realize their own potential as well.